I’ve been working The Plan for a week now, and I’m starting to feel like my clothes are fitting me better again. And on top of that, I bought a couple of new things – a new pair of jeans and a top – with my babysitting money. They look pretty good on me, I think. Too bad those are the ONLY clothes I like the looks of on me. And now I have to think about how to make my hair look better. If I had enough money, I’d go to the salon mom goes to. Well, maybe not THAT one. Maybe she could drive me to the one some of the girls at school go to. But I don’t want them to see me there. Not yet, anyway. Not until I have my whole look transformed!

I do find that I’m kind of hungry at school before lunchtime, and I’m starving by the time I come home. It’s hard not to eat a bowl of chips or grab some cookies and drink sodas when I’m that hungry and no one is around to make any food. I don’t really like to eat salads but I’m forcing myself to. I’m trying to find a salad dressing that I like. Mom has been good about getting a few different varieties, but I know she’s not happy when I find that I don’t like it and won’t use the rest of the bottle. She says it’s a big waste of money. I’m doing really well with staying away from the sodas. I drink a lot of water lately, and I know that’s good. But I really want soda once in awhile. Well, more than once in awhile. It’s what I really want to drink. It’s hard making myself stay away from the stuff I like. It feels like if I can be good about what I’m eating, I’ll have more strength to keep going and I’ll want to keep exercising and I’ll be able to wear more of the styles everyone is wearing, withOUT having my gut sticking out! And I think that I’ll be more confident in every way. I hope I can keep this up. And over the summer, too. And then when Senior year starts, I’ll be looking good and feeling good. Maybe I’ll have more friends. Maybe I’ll get a boyfriend. Maybe I’ll be able to go to more parties, if mom lets me. I want my last year of school to be a good one. I want it to make up for all the years that I felt so rotten.

I feel like something is really changing in me. I even feel like I’m being nicer to The Former Brat. I’ll call her “my sister” from now on. She’s not a brat. Maybe I’ve been the brat. But it’s no fun to be like that. I feel like I’m smiling a lot more now. I don’t care as much about what other kids think of me, and guess what? I think more people are talking to me than usual. I don’t notice as much sniggering or staring anymore. Maybe they’re growing up? Maybe I am? Maybe I just don’t care anymore so I don’t even see it anymore?

Today is Saturday. I’ve already gone out running. I’ve even made a big dent in my math homework. I’m still having some trouble with it, but yesterday I stayed after class and asked my teacher for a little extra help. We’re coming up with a plan to get my math grades up between now and the end of the year. I hope it works!

I think I’ll start reading a book now, for fun! More tomorrow…