I used to call her that. My little sister. But lately, I think I’m wrong about that. I mean, yeah, she gets to do a lot of stuff that I never got away with, and somehow she seems to be surrounded by friends. She’s involved in all sorts of activities and is rarely around except to sleep and maybe lock herself in her room to do homework if she hasn’t already done it on the bus to and from travel soccer or in her free period in school. Since I don’t spend a lot of time with her anymore, I’m not even calling her “The Brat” much anymore. And maybe it’s because she’s not, anymore. Sometimes I wish I could be like her. No, sometimes I wish I could BE her. She seems really confident, and she keeps her grades up, and she sings really well, and she’s even great on stage in the school plays. I think she’ll be able to do anything she wants to do and be with any boy she wants to be as she goes through high school and college and whatever she does after that.

Sigh. Sometimes I feel invisible. I don’t feel like I matter. I don’t count. But SHE does. And what’s even worse about it all – she seems to like me. Maybe things are changing between us. Maybe she’s growing up. Maybe I’m realizing that I can’t go back and do it all again, and in some strange way, I want HER to succeed and have it all. But more than that, I think I want to have a better relationship with her. I’ll be finishing high school next year, and then I don’t know where I’m going to be. I always wanted to get out of this house and out of this town. Out of this state even. Maybe even out of this country? Travel around? But, alone? I don’t think I’m brave enough to do that. I wonder who I could travel with? I know of some kids who went on to college and were able to travel to Europe and Africa and other places while they were in college. I wonder if I could do that. But then, there’s that problem of my grades and applying to colleges. I still haven’t even decide what colleges to apply to. IF I’m going to apply to any. I’m just so confused.

But my sister… she doesn’t seem so confused. She just eats up life and does well and seems so… happy? Rounded? Grounded? How can I be more like her?