I can’t believe I did that. I’m SO stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I don’t want to be stupid anymore! When am I going to get over this and just talk to him? He was right there, right there looking at me. I froze. I looked like such an idiot. If his big goon friends weren’t there staring at me… What’s the word I’m looking for? Gawking. Why were they gawking at me? Most of the time they wouldn’t even notice me. I don’t look anything like C or A or K, the ones they all drool over. They never give me even a sideways glance, yet today they got really quiet and turned toward me and smirked. All of them. All but him. Was my hair sticking up? Was there food between my front teeth? I felt like they were laughing at me. Sure, let them have their little fun. But what about HIM? He wasn’t laughing. He was just looking. Looking kind of sweetly, at me! Man, those eyes. Those deep brown eyes. I want those eyes to look at me every day like that.

Sigh… how am I going to ever talk to him alone? I can’t bring myself to say anything to him when those gawking goons are nearby. Maybe he’ll be in the stairwell after 5th period. I’ve seen him there before, running to his next class. Maybe I could be there. I’ll try tomorrow…

Meanwhile, I have so much homework. I hate my math teacher. He’s so mean. He gives all this homework and expects us to spend all night working on it when he doesn’t even explain anything very well in class. It’s like he wants us to just figure it out all on our own. He must think we have nothing else to do except math math math. I’m afraid I’m going to fail the test on Friday. And history. Man, when is Mrs. B. going to retire?! I can’t wait until this year is finished. No more history ever again.

Ok, I’m wasting time here. I don’t want to do my homework. It’s late. I’m tired, but I can’t even think of going to bed until I’ve finished all this crap. It’s all crap. I don’t want to do it tonight. Maybe I’ll just skip it all tonight and go to sleep now. Maybe I’ll dream about him. Maybe I’ll talk to him in the stairwell in my dream…