I took the test today. I don’t know if I passed. Maybe I did. If I didn’t, my mom is going to kill me. She asked me how I think I did. I feel really rotten about the way I responded. I think she really wants me to do well, but I just don’t like her asking all the time. I just want to be left alone sometimes. It feels like she’s always judging me, but I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me. I just don’t want to talk to her. She says I don’t focus. But I DO focus. Just not on math. Maybe I passed.

He wasn’t there again today. Still sick. Sounds like he’s getting better, though. I wish I could be brave enough to text him or IM him and tell him I hope he’s better. What would he think? Would he think I’m a loser? Why is it so easy for so many girls? They walk around in groups, laughing at everyone. They wear all the right clothes and go to the parties. All the boys like them. And then there’s me. I don’t know if I even want to go to any of the parties. I mean, I do. But only if I had a group of friends there, too. It’d be ok to go if D went, but what would I do if she left me alone?

Tomorrow is T’s party. Guess I’ll be home again. I want to be out of here. I don’t mean just this weekend. I mean, I want to be older. I want to be out on my own. I have to start thinking about college. I don’t want to be stuck here at home going to community college. I want to go away. That means my grades have to get better. Well, my math grade anyway. I’m doing ok in everything else. I wish I didn’t have to do well in everything. I like art. I doodle all the time. I love to draw. I think I’m pretty good at it. I wonder if I’m good enough. Good enough for what? Know what I’d really like to be? An illustrator of children’s books. Don’t need math for that.