Damn! He wasn’t in the stairwell today. He wasn’t even at school. I hope he’s ok. S said she heard he got really really sick. That means I probably won’t see him for the whole rest of the week! Ugh! How am I ever going to get my nerve up to talk to him if he’s not even there?

History sucked today. Another pop quiz. Why does she get off on giving out pop quizzes? I think she just wants an excuse to sit at her desk and not have to teach. I think she falls asleep behind those thick glasses. I wonder what she dreams about. I wonder if it’s all about history dates and facts, or if her dreams are more like mine. Maybe she dreams about when she was younger and liked a boy. I wonder if she was able to talk to boys more easily than I could. I wonder what she looked like. Was she pretty? You’d never know it now, if she was. But maybe she was. Maybe I’d like history better if she was still young and vibrant and pretty and pleasant to listen to. Maybe she even liked kids then. Ooh! I know, maybe when she was a new young teacher all the boys had crushes on her. I wonder if I could find anything out about her if I googled her name. I think she has her married name now, but I don’t even know if she’s married. Hard to imagine her going home to an adoring husband with kind, dark brown eyes, looking at her lovingly…

Sigh… his eyes. Next week I’m going to talk him for sure. D says he’s supposed to be at T’s party on Saturday. I wish I was going. D said I could go with her, but mom’s not going to let me. She doesn’t understand. I don’t know. Maybe nobody understands. Maybe I don’t even understand. One day I’ll look back at this and think it was all so silly. Or will I? Who am I going to be one day? Will I be like Mrs. B.??? I my god, no!! Then I’d have to scowl at kids and give pop quizzes and smell bad and go home to nobody. Still wondering who she goes home to…

Two more days until Friday. Maybe I should look at some of this math crap. Crap.